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Why your cold cynical heart is just being lazy

Dr. Helen Johnson

17 Jul 2018

Everyone has cold, cynical heart moments, some of us have days, some of us have entire lifetimes devoted to...

Everyone has cold, cynical heart moments, some of us have days, some of us have entire lifetimes devoted to it. I’m pretty confident that if you are even bothering to read this then you are not a lifetime devotee, though to be fair you may well be reading just so you can get pissed off and laugh at my foolish optimism. Ha! Jokes on you! I’m only a teeny tiny bit foolish and optimistic, almost not at all, I’m a closet realist in a personal development world full of shiny happy optimists.

I believe that reality is the best place to be and that there is plenty of good that we can get out of reality. I also believe that we shouldn’t run away from reality and that it is good and healthy to actually admit to feeling crappy, wanting stuff you don’t have, feeling hurt or harmed, and anything else that is going on with you without somebody forcing you to immediately reframe it (in other words, look at it through a positive lens) and deny the negative emotions that you feel. However, I do believe that most of the time there really is light to be found and that we must – for our own good and others – focus on finding that light. That makes me an optimist deep down doesn’t it? Damn it.


Realist or optimist aside, here’s the thing – your cold, cynical heart (and the cold cynical heart of anyone else you know) is wrong. It is wounded and probably quite tired and it is LAZY AF. Cynics (whether internal or external) make you feel like they are really super clever and know something you don’t. They make you feel like they just have superior understanding of the world and the emotional maturity to accept it. The clue to this lie is the fact that they do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OF ANY CONSEQUENCE WHATSOEVER with this cynicism.

Sitting back and picking apart the world and people’s attempts to bring light into it does not make you clever. It is easy. Finding fault is easy. Every fool on the planet knows that nothing is perfect. So what is their point? Every fool on the planet knows that bad things happen and bad people do bad things. So? Pointing this out is not a solution. It’s boring, obvious, and is only helpful if swiftly followed by action, imagination, some sort of soul boosting sing along, or, well, anything that adds to the sum total of goodness in the world.

And do they actually accept it? Or is it fear and disappointment talking? Do truly happy hearts talk this way? No they do not! The ‘acceptance’ is just an excuse for being passive and a way of wearing armour against the world. You do not need to deny any of your emotions but that’s different to letting them run the show. So if your heart is talking this way to you, just remind yourself that it is a lazy lazy lie. Nobody is born with a cold, cynical heart. This is not optimism, this is fact. The strong, vulnerable, vibrant heart is in there too. Give it a wink

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