top of page

Why being strategic about your relationships matters (and doesn’t make you heartless)

Dr. Helen Johnson

19 Nov 2021

If the title of this post makes you feel a bit sick then this is the post for you! The reason? I already know that...

If the title of this post makes you feel a bit sick then this is the post for you! The reason? I already know that you can be trusted not to use people and discard them and I already know that you want your relationships to be heartfelt and genuine. If you were the kind of person who already goes around stomping on others to get what you want then you wouldn’t have a negative reaction to these words at all, you’d be all ‘oh yeeeeeeah all my relationships are about strategy, what other things could I possibly get out of relationships?!’.

Those people, my friends, basically have huge issues and are dangerous and should be avoided at all costs (sadly, they are often good at faking it). However, for the rest of us – the people who already know the value of human relationships – then a little strategy can actually be just what we need.

  1. YOUR ENERGY. Some of us are so busy helping others and building connections and giving their hearts out into the world (in Goddess archetypes this is Aphrodite energy) that we forget to think about the impact it is having on ourselves. Here’s the thing – you are not obligated to spread your heart out to everyone at the expense of yourself. If you are drained by someone you are well within your rights to create boundaries no matter what they need or want. If you don’t create boundaries around energy suckers then you end up having nothing left for yourself or anyone else who may need you. Disclaimer: this doesn’t apply to your kids, those energy zappers take it ALLLLLLLLL. (Just kidding, you are allowed a little time off from their neediness too, for example, three minutes on the loo… Good luck getting that!).


  1. YOUR DIRECTION. The people you spend your time with have an impact on your behaviours, your direction, and how you live your life. If you only spend time around people that prefer to hide in their basement rather than go out into the world and make a difference then you are far more likely to hide in your basement too. You should NEVER drop people in your life just because they are different to you. However, you do need to be taking an honest look at the relationships you have and whether they can present with you on your path or whether they are trying to keep you where you are or side-track you. Don’t sacrifice your path to the will, energy, or beliefs of others. Keep it moving and invite people to join you on that journey.


  1. YOUR GROWTH. In our relationships, we should be seeking out people who offer us the perfect balance of love and support versus kicking your ass and challenging you. If you surround yourself with yes people you will never be able to grow. Make it safe for the people around you to say no and challenge you. On the other hand, if you are faced with constant opposition and criticism ‘for your own good’ then sod that! You don’t deserve to be picked at all the time, you deserve to be raised up and celebrated. People who can lovingly hold you and help you to grow are the people who will bring magic into your world. Choose them.

So there you have it, a quick guide on being more strategic and conscious about who you are bonded with. I’d love to hear anything you have learned about your relationships that you would add into the mix…

bottom of page