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My son’s impression of my snoring is bringing on an existential crisis

Dr. Helen Johnson

19 Nov 2020

So the past couple of nights when my son is about to go to sleep he has been doing this absolutely ...

So the past couple of nights when my son is about to go to sleep he has been doing this absolutely amazing – but deeply disturbing – impression of my snoring (he has developed my sense of humour and so – naturally – finds himself hilarious). OH MY GOD. This isn’t just normal snoring – like a bit loud but basically just in and out type snoring – this is like he is spluttering out water, snorting like a pig, and generally sounding like a train is passing through his nose. It is HILARIOUS but also AWFUL in the realness. I cannot pretend that this doesn’t come at least partly from me. I have known this from a young age when I went to a sleepover and no-one wanted me in their room (I probably need to do some therapy on that, ahem).

Rewind a bit – to about an hour before his latest impression of my snoring – and out of nowhere this reprobate declares that I ‘look like a scarecrow’. Maaaaaate. I can’t lie. I do. I. So. Do. I very often have an extremely scarecrow like appearance. I even go out of the house looking like one,  such is the depths of my fatigue these days. (Let’s revisit this once everyone starts sleeping at reasonable hours ok?!).

So. Many. Truths. I am defenceless. I feel so deeply seen! Luckily for me, he also really loves me so I feel safe. It’s ok. I see him and love him too and he wees on the floor WAY more often than I do. (Almost never for both of us these days).

So, this gets me thinking. I really really don’t like to be seen and yet it would literally make zero difference to my material experience of the world if like a million people heard me snore. I would still simply be next to my son who has me proper laughing at his disconcerting noises. Yup, it would make no difference and it’s like that for most of my days – rarely would it infringe on the here and now.

So then I think, well, Helen, you might as well be seen because maybe some actual good might come of it because certainly if you embarrass yourself it actually won’t affect your life that much.

Which is my long winded way of saying – helloooooooo. I am going to talk to you a bit more. Yay!

The irony being I am actually really GREAT at seeing people and loving them anyway – so if you fancy a bit of that please drop me a line via email or DM me on facebook and we can make space for you to fully embrace your scarecrow snoring self (or whatever your particular afflictions are). 

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